| To The Jingle Jail With The Non Believe |
[27 Oct 2009|03:17am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
suicidal (again) |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
the night- disturbed |
] |
The past couple of weeks have been one big roller coaster. And people wonder why I hate my life. If I swear, if I were rich, I'd give all my money and wealth to whoever killed me.
|
|
| The Indecisive Tool |
[03 Aug 2009|03:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 high |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
alive-disturbed |
] |
Its been a few days since my last post. To Skyloc, thanks for the comment on my last post. In regards to that last post........
I decided that....I'm going to give love (or dating) another shot. Steve and I are talking more than we used to. Its been only like a month but, everyday Steve-os here, I feel like I did when I first talking to Dean. I miss that feeling more than anything.
Just when I was going to make preparations to do start doing gayporn, I thought to myself, "I really started talking to Steve-o on the one year anniversery of Dean's death. I thought I would be miserable but, talking to him and watching the gay episode of Family Guy, I mean come on, he knows how I feel about him but, I don't know how he feels about me at all.
I go to court on Monday and he volunteered to take me there. I think I'm going to tell him then and ask him out on a date. At the most part, it'll give me some comfort into believing that I'm not going to jail.
Overall, I guess I'm just freaked out about everything. Eventhough hes dead and gone now, I can't help but feel as if I'm cheating on Dean. Either way, I guess I'm giving it a shot.
If it doesn't work out then I'll go into porn. Give love another shot is the general Idea I guess. Not that my luck is all that great but, I've got my fingers crossed.
|
|
| How much can you take? |
[27 Jul 2009|10:36am] |
Since the death of my boyfriend last year, I haven't been very sexually active. But as time drags onward, thats quickly changing. I'm not sexually active but, I'm getting hornier by the second. There will never be anyone like Dean and I'm realizing that now.
So instead of trying to find that someone now, I wanna enjoy my sexual youth and do gayporn. I'm not sure how to go about looking into doing it but, I still wanna try. So I guess my questions for this community would be:
How do I go about getting into gaypornos and on a average....how big do are their dicks?
Like how much can the average botto
|
|
| Redeemed |
[26 Jul 2009|06:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
home- three days grace |
] |
So many months have passed since my last entro. Things like me finnaly moving out of that old bitch's house and into a friend's place that (at the time) I liked.
Three months after that he and I became enemies. I moved out of that hell hole and am currently living back at Grand View with some friends. So far so good. They're both high school and work friends so, I think I'm safe for now.
It feels good t actually be able to save money again. Living here I also found this really cute guy named Stevo. I started talking to him on the one year anniversary of Dean's death. Ironic that is.
My income tax check finnally came and that $900 is just what I needed. I've got court on the 10th of August so I guess I'll see if I'm going to jail or not.
Works going good. Things're starting to look up now. About fucking time I say. Its been a year and almost 2months since I've had sex or just someone to stop me from feeling so lonely. I figured if nothing happens between me and Stevo.....I'm going to look into doing gayporn.
There they don't descriminate and I get all the sex I want with hot guys. Hopefully hot guys anyway. All the ones I've jacked off to are well hung and cute. Anyway, I just got off of work and I need to bathe.
|
|
| Confused But, Still Alive |
[27 Feb 2009|08:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
high |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Scatman- Scatman John |
] |
Here again at Tommy's. Today I got my taxes filed finally. No word yet on my job coming back to me. I'm begining to think "What else can God do to me?"
I can't help I'm his favorite sitcom or something. Anyway, last night I actually got to enjoy myself. I got so fucked up on weed its not even funny. Now I'm enjoying music drinking and smoking.
Ha in a light, doing what Dean and I would do, just without the sex.
|
|
| The Tales Of The Living Nothing |
[25 Feb 2009|10:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Sour Girl- Stone Temple Pilots |
] |
Well, now that Greg's outta jail hes decided to stop smoking. Since Dean died I've picked up ciggarettes. I only seem to smoke them after I've smoked weed and before I go to bed. And sometimes when weed ain't around.
Its been alittle over 8months since Dean passed away. I'm still not completely over it. I dream good and bad dreams about him. I have no idea if I'm ready to move on but, against my thoughts, I'm concidering giving it a shot.
I'm here at a friend named Tommy's house right now. Feeling really baked. I think I'm about to start my 41minute journey home. Back to my hellhole. They have no idea how over them I am.
|
|
|
[25 Feb 2009|04:37pm] |
Its been awhile since my last enrty here. I probably lost some friends. To recap from my last entry to now: After Dean's death I've lost my house and some fond memories in that room the night before he died.
So now I'm living with this guy named Mike who is a friend of Terry's (Noble's mother). She continues to need me as the money crutch. I hate it but I do owe her $3000. Oh wait, no I don't. As of Monday shes now paid up from what I owe her.
Meaning I don't owe her a dime anymore. On my 25th birthday, Noble's friend Greg got kicked out of his house and moved in with us. Me Noble and Greg all enjoyed eachother's company and got high as hell if not played video games like crazy.
Greg's job eventually fell thanks to the sting of the economy. So he decided to start selling weed. He made great money thanks to me and Noble and his friends. One night he lost 3ounces and I was immediately pointed as a suspect.
The culprit was the owner of the house, Mike. Greg and I got punished by having our shit searched everyday, and we'll have to start paying rent $100 a week. That didn't sit well with me and Greg so we began to make a plan to move out on our own.
Come on $100 a week to sleep on the floor, sleep on the floor in the dinnning room, can only watch TV when hes not home and sometimes can't even do that if hes recording two things at once, no privacy what so ever. The man is a good man don't get me wrong. And he has every right to say what he wants in his own home. But those punishments are just too crazy, we had to go.
Over the past couple of weeks after that, Greg and I have been getting closer as friends. I found out that he and I had alot more in common than I originally thought. One day after Terry was paid up I was thinking of the day I tell her and how I'm going to sart my life the way I wanted to after I get off probation for that Friendlies bullshit (remember that? don't know if I wrote about it. I'd have to check on that.)
I get into a really bad fight with a employee there named Ariel. The argument ended with me getting fired for "threating her." So I lost my job. Nice. The entire crew and some of the customers are sending a letter to human resources to get me back. She called me a "rough ass nigga" and a "faggot." I think I was well within my rights to curse her out and threaten her after she threatened me.
Human resources was called and I was fired. She later got fired because of her history of starting fights with any and everybody there. Couple of days later, Greg leaves to go to make a sale and I buy a dime from him. He borrows my CD player in exchange for hiS IPOD. He forgot to give the damn thing and I later find out that hes been arrested.
Officer Lukens busted Greg and now hes in jail and has been there since Sunday afternoon. Its now Wednesday afternoon. His brother and I have been doing everything we can to get him out. Him coming up with half the bail money and me coming up with a bailbondmans.
So now, in light of Greg getting caught with that shit, Noble and I can't come home high, our stuff is going to be searched everyday and in 6weeks we're getting piss tested. Fun right? Its really nice that I'm a 25 year old man getting told what to do by a man like him.
A few nights ago.......One yeah, I almost forgot. My father died 3days before Thanksgiving. I almost threw a party. But now with that being said, Mike knew about my past with that man and (as I was saying) I think that man came into my floor pallet I had on the floor, climbed into it and gave me a handjob.
I asked him about it and he denied it. I don't believe him either. I'm not stupid just in denile. So Yeah, thats that. See You Later, I'm busy with something right now.
|
|
| My Darkest Burning Star |
[19 Jul 2008|07:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Scream- Misfits |
] |
I have to say that...I'm at a loss for words. My lover, my world my everything is gone. I haven't really stopped crying yet but, its getting better.
My boyfriend Dean...is dead. I'm concidering calling him my boyfriend now because one week before he died, he asked me back out. He did it with such emotion such caring. I knew he ment it.
I told him I'd think about it. Knowing full well that I wanted to. Dean I love you and always will. I miss you and want you back sooo much. I'm getting teary eyed just typing this.
Dean told me that his family didn't think too much of me but ever since his death they've been really greatful that I ever met him. Eventhough, much like myself, we always talked about not wanting to live, killing ourselves and having little squables about whose gonna die first, he was at a point in his life where he was "happy." Thats how I know it wasn't suicide.
How do I know this? About a month ago he told me. I know alot can change within a month but being with him for about 7years if someone makes a change like that you just know. And I knew.
We always had times in the past where he'd break my heart and later come back to me, but I knew deep down he loved me. I also have Elise and his mother and father to tell me that as well. Just hearing that from them.....sent tears to my cheeks.
The things he had planned for us in the future. Now I have no will to play video games the same as I used to, I'm constantly thinking of him. Hearing songs that he'd listen to or always hearing one that in someway shape or form would remind me of him.
Just the thought of knowing that I can't hear his voice anymore unless its on a voice mail, the fact of knowing that I can't share my bed with him ever again, or even go out to a movie with him again, wrestle with him, or even to the piont of him tickling me where I'd shriek like a japanese school girl in a American all nude male steam room just to make him laugh.....its all been reduced to a dip in my bed that he made. That and the sound of me crying.
He was my eveything, my reason for living. Now I have nothing and no reason to go on. My friends, I'm done with life. I hate living this cancerous tumor known as life. "sigh" But fear not.
Fear not because I know (along with his family and friends) he didn't kill himself, and because of a promise I made 10 years ago, I can't and won't. I care about my friends too much.
So as much as I don't wanna admitt it. I'm not going to kill myself.
I'm hear at my friend Keykey's house to see some of the pictures that Elise sent her of that dreaded night. I've seen them and I gotta say that I'm full of alot of misplaced emotion. I'm angry, happy and sad all at the same time.
I keep hoping that this is just one sick joke or a really bad nightmare that I hope I'll awaken from, but its not.
Sometime soon I'm going to Dean's house to visit his parents and to see him in his urn. I have no idea if I'm ready for this but, I feel like I need to.
Dean.....whether you're right behind me or watching me from above or whereever you are out there................
I love you. You are my DARKEST BURNING STAR.
|
|
| Feeling Poetic |
[16 Jul 2007|11:48pm] |
Never...again
(Will I Be Decided)
Never...again
(Will I Be Reminded)
.....that living with them
(The World Of The Jaded)
My Art My Inspiration, Thats My Obligation
To Never....again
(Allow This To Happen)
Where Do I...Begin
(The Choices Are Endless)
Denying....The Sin
(My Art, My Redemption)
I Carry The Torch Of My Fathers Before Me
The Person I Treasure Most In Life, Can Not Be Taken Away
There Will Never Be A Reason Why, I Will Surrender To You
Instead Of Changing Myself I'd Rather Die
No You Will Not Understand
I Will Make The Greatest Sacrifice
You Can't Predict Where The Outcome Lies
You'll Never Take Me Alive
(I'm Alive)
Change....again
(Can Not Be Considered)
Outraged...again
(Dispelling My Anger)
Where Do I Begin
(The Choices Are Endless)
My Art My Redemption, Thats My Only Salvation
My Art, The Gift
(That I Have Been Blessed With)
My Soul Is Adrift
(Floating In Oceans Of Madness)
Repairing....The Rift
(That You Have Created)
I Am All Alone Now, You Must Give Me Your Arms Now
The Person I Treasure Most In Life, Can Not Be Taken Away
There Will Never Be A Reason Why, I Will Surrender To You
Instead Of Changing Myself I'd Rather Die
No You Will Not Understand
I Will Make The Greatest Sacrifice
You Can't Predict Where The Outcome Lies
You'll Never Take Me Alive
(I'm Alive)
I'm No Slave, Are You Feeling Brave
Or Are You Just Out Of Your Mind
No More Games, It Just Won't Feel The Same
Even If I Held My Hand There Inside
There Is No Meaning, My Soul Is Bleeding
I've Had Enough Of Your Kind
Heres Your Message, At Your Descression
Is Your Soul Labeled With Lies
The Person I Treasure Most In Life, Can Not Be Taken Away
There Will Never Be A Reason Why, I Will Surrender To You
Instead Of Changing Myself I'd Rather Die
No You Will Not Understand
I Will Make The Greatest Sacrifice
You Can't Predict Where The Outcome Lies
You'll Never Take Me Alive
(I'm Alive)
|
|
| My Eyebrows Are Coming Back |
[13 Jul 2007|01:41am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 horny |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Bullet With A Name- Non Point |
] |
About a week ago, I shaved my eyebrows off. They're coming back in patches but, they are coming back.
So, it took awhile but, the reality has set in that my friend Keykey, is pregnant. I'm feeling for her and Paul.
Last night, I was chatting with Dean and he said something to me that freaked me out. He told me that he loved me. Normally thats a good thing. Bastard made me horny as hell. Again.
But, it felt weird. I've been waiting a very long time to hear him say that again. I just don't know if he was fucking with me or not. Today was nothing out of the ordinary.
Except that, I now feel for Jackie. Her boyfriend of one year has been cheating on her badly. The week they went up north for Austin's uncle's funeral, he cheated on her with a whore at a whore house.
Second time was him cheating on her with a girl he didn't really know who fucked him with a strap-on. He loved it soo much he asked me to fuck him. I refused and he offered to do it with Dean and I.
After I turned him down, he appearantly fucked Devin. Ot rather Devin fucked him. He got drunk tonight and told me. Poor Jackie........wait ha poor Austin.
I'm going to ask him tomorrow, but Devin and I are friends from high school. We used to fuck eachother back then. Devin sucks at sex. Everything he does sucks.
Devin is bad at sex. Odd ball. Anyway, I got a call from my cousin Dennis today. He called and told me a story that happened last night (his time). He said that him and some buddies were doing "ice" and one guy got so fucked up, he got fucked by almost all the guys there but, a few.
Dennis was one of the ones who didn't touch him (so he says). The guy woke up and they showed him because they taped it. Wow. I've never been trained but, there is something sexy and yet...wrong about it.
|
|
| It Pains Me To See What I Have Become |
[07 Apr 2007|02:25am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 apathetic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Wonder If Heaven's Gotta Ghetto- Tupac |
] |
(sigh) So, while I was at work today, some of my co-workers came to me and asked me about about Eddy's murder.
I told them what I knew and what had happened at my neighborhood. The paper came today and everyone crowded around it. Even the people that didn't know the guy.
The other black guy at work came to me and we had a bit of a discussion. It was over the murder of course. I later became annoyed and told him "I don't wanna talk about it anymore."
Eddson became enraged and said "Don't you care about all yo niggas?" I turned around and said "I'm not like you, or will ever be like you, I'm not ghetto and never will be. Eddy was a friend but, I don't care about him being shot, I care about why, and by whom."
Eddson and I continued into the argument until my boss could tell it was getting outta hand. It ended with:
me: If people were alittle more intellegent and not volitile, deaths in this world would begin to decrease.
Eddson: No, If niggas like you were more into their own culture cheese would be easier to obtain for our people.
me: Its "niggas" like me who stay smart and alive. Its niggas like you who kill us and yourselves. If Cord and "Bam Bam" or whatever his real name is. would have thought their plan out more, they might be out job hunting and making a honest dollar and Eddy would still be alive.
Eddson: Fuck you man. They need to get outta jail and plug your ass. Maybe that'll teach you to wake up and stop trying to act white.
me: I'm acting white. I'm acting like I should. Like me. Brian. And maybe if they tried to act like someone with commom sence, Eddy would still be alive and Cord and "Bam Bam" wouldn't be facing life in prison/ the death penalty.
Eddson: Fuck you!! Fuckin' oreo chocolate covered white boy. Yous a white washed bitch!!!
And thats when Crystal broke us up. She saw what was happening and sent him home. Meanwhile I stayed and just sat there wondering. I paraphrased the confrontation, but washing those dishes, I almost cried.
Listening to Eddson yell and curse at me, I realized one thing. Things will probably never change.
|
|
| Me On A Two Day Rant About The Past Two Days |
[05 Apr 2007|02:47am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 aggravated |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Long Song- The Cure |
] |
If no one has heard by now about the tragedy that took place either late Monady night or early Tuesaday morning.
If not, that was the start of it. Story goes that 19year old drug dealer: Eddy Collins was shot and killed because he was being robbed of the money he kept showing off. Some young "gangsta" wanna bees killed him.
Shot in his home and in his sleep. Body dragged from the bed and into the front yard. All this happened 3 blocks away from my mother and aunt's home and right behind a middle school, during school hours.
Later that Tuesaday morning I get the news from my god sister's mother. More information came later and I found out that I know the guy. Not very well but I do know him.
Yes thats all sad and shit but whatever. I'm pissed about this whole thing because of the stupidity and ignorance of these black kids who instead of "pro" gressing the future of the black community, they're in turn, "de" gressing us.
In trying to rob the boy, they rob and kill him. And his death has brought a fued. As they called by in the old days "Blacks killing blacks."
I had to call my job and tell them that I was going to be late, because relatives to Eddy banded together and started shooting guns threating to go to Groveland and kill them in his honor.
Yes and no, I do believe in eye for a eye. But, we can not place all the blame on the children. At least I don't. I blame our old ways that has surfaced into the modern ways.
A large percent of blacks (including myself) were born in a pool neighborhood therefore they pick up rotten behavor because they've grown around it. Even in poor places with white people, they don't create gangs just to make a name for themselves and randomly being a bad ass or "hard" as most people would say, just to get by.
My get up and motivated. Not saying that we blacks don't. But, there isn't many that can say, they have. But, I dygress.
To stay with it, I later today found out that someone I used to live next to, had something to do with his death.
Looking at myslef and listening to friends, I've been told that I'm a good person. Good/Average grades and (at the time) drug-free. How is it that two black kids from the same poor street come out so different?
Easy. I didn't give into the hype about black people. He on the other hand did. He fallowed his brother. I fallowed television. And later, good people.
As a black gay male, I've had 2 black boyfriends and 4 white boyfriends. As a black man grows and learns of his sexuality and is masculine, he has to hide it. Never in public olny in the dark. They have to hide.
So by saying that, I state that I didn't have a great boyfriend outta them. Either one of them used me to cheat on his girlfriend, who was a good friend of mine, without me knowing it or push me away and treat me like shit in public.
With my white guys, I've had my heart broken equally with them too, but the relationship was understood and wonderful and not hidden or flaunted.
Of course times have changed and being gay is more excepted and respected. So black and white gays are coming out more. Before and after school, I was picked on because I was gay.
After that became a popularity case, I began to get picked on because I wasn't acting my color, I wasn't ghetto enough to be black. Its more of a joke now but, it still follows me to this day. By not my white friends, but my black friends.
Black and white rappers/singers are making it big in the music industry. To name a few Elton John, George Michael, Lance Bass and that guy who goes by the name of "The Gay Pimp" all successful and respected.
Meanwhile, one black rapper comes out and little to know one knows of him. His name is Caution. I hate rap but, I've heard him sing. I guess hes good.
In the rap business being gay is a sign of weakness. Therefore, hes not well known.
In closing, this whole entry is getting to the point of asking this:
If Martin Luther King Jr. and Malcolm X were still alive today, what would they say?
One was a passiphyst and the other was not. Both after the same goal. It was achevieved but, looking at where its gotten most of us, was it worth it?
This post was based on the current mureder of a aquaintance of mine by another both black juviniles. I am embarrased to be part a.....kinda barbaric people if you will, but at the same time I'm proud because we at least took one thing away from the past that our ancestors indured: we stand tall and together about what we both believe in and stand for.
All this is opionated and in no way meant to change anyones belief/attitude towards the opposite race. It was made to get people to think about the things they do and the reaction of the actions they may or may have made.
Sorry if I offended anyone. Any and all comments are welcome.
|
|
| What The Fuck Is With Anal-Retentive Women?! |
[15 Mar 2007|12:42am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
silence |
] |
All day today, its been nothing but women or girls that I know cursing, arguing or just plain yelling. I've had a relitively good day minus that.
Nothing but the past two days have been strange to say the least. Yesterday, Jason comes over to see the new house, he fallows me outside with the dogs and asks if I wanted to smoke a few blunts with him.
Just for the hell of it, I smoked one with him. After that I was high but, felt dirty. So he and I went driving to the store and he broke out another one. He asked and I denied.
So we were driving around all day in a car that was filled with weed smoke. I sobered up and asked for him to drop me off while he smoked the rest of it. I get home and Ladonna and Jessie are fiending for a blunt or nose candy.
Noble gets home and hes about to go and get high with his friends. I looked at Noble and I told him I was high from a contant buzz. Ladonna looked at me and said "You are the only one I know that will sit in a car with somebody smoking a blunt and not join in."
I laughed and went to work. Devin brings me home and asks me if I wanna go out for a drink with him. I say yes and Noble comes at me and says "Ladonna snitched on you."
I looked at him as if he ahs three heads and asked "how?" He continues to say that as soon as her mother came home from work, she goes to her and says "Brian got high with Jason in the car, thats why he was gone for so long."
Noble knew the truth as well as she did and just told me to forget it. Which I did until a few minutes ago.
Coming home from work and hearing the girls yell and argue with eachother, I come home and is greeted by my dog, Lolli. Soon after getting on the computer, Ladonna comes at me "You're in sooo much trouble."
Looking confused, I ask her why? She continues to say "You told Crystal (Noble's girlfriend) some smart remark about my babysitting money. Don't worry about my business, worry about your own fucking life."
Not realizing what the fuck she talking about I just said "Whatever" and went my way. I now know what she speaks of but, don't really care.
After the move, I spent alot of money and now am building that back up. So, I'm just counting the days until I'm outta here and on my own. The more I live with her the worse she seems.
Same as Jenn and Cosmo. Tomorrow is another day. Can't wait to greet it.
|
|
| This Ain't A Scene Its A G*d Damn Arms Race |
[13 Mar 2007|12:38am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
I haven't posted in abit do to the fact that I've had low energy latley. Well, Saturday night, me, Devin and few other co-workers decided to have a night out.
In that house, we had nose candy, weed, crippy, and beer. Me being myself I just drank beer. I figured being in the room I'd get a contact buzz from the weed and crippy. As for the nose candy, no.
I wheened myself off of that and have no intention of getting back on it. I drank 25 beers that night and ended up puking and passing out. I don't recall half the night.
I just know that I woke up the next morning wondering where the hell I was. Today, after paying my half of the rent, I got bugged by my jobless friends about lending them money.
I was going to do it, but I remembered what I had told myself. No more. Everytime I give them money for something, it goes to something else. Ladonna let it go, but Jessie took it hard. What the fuck ever.
I want outta here so bad. Its...odd. These people took me in after I got screwed by Cosmo and Jenn and I'm miserable here with them. Miserable but yet content.
Noble missed school today and his mother flipped out. She comes home from court with Shelby and tells him that he could go to jail for missing school. Obviously he doesn't care.
I don't want to see him go to jail but, I think it would do him some good. There has been nothing but, bad vibes in this house today though. Noble and Shelby were getting on my nerves, Ladonna and Jessie were getting on Mrs. Terry's nerves, and Jessie was getting on Ladonna's nerves.
I just want out of this endless waltz.
|
|
|
[21 Dec 2006|01:58am] |
I'm just updating to assure some people that I'm still alive and well. Aginst better judgement. Things are way too crazy to place it on one entry so, I'll just say that I'VE HAD A BUSY LIFE LATELY.
LATER.
|
|
| The Yellow Ranger Is Asain Girl |
[14 Feb 2006|09:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Cramps- Fever |
] |
I've never heard of this. But, I guess everyone has their own way of doing things. Even when it means something completely bad.
http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1722414.html?menu=news.quirkies
Don't people use viagra. Strange days and other things have happened. Today nothing special happened, execpt for the fact that I got three jobs calling me asking me to come in and work for them. But, I have no idea which one I'm going to choose.
TARGET, EB GAMES and the zoo feeding place. I'm thinking about turning down the zoo place though. It would be too tiring. As for its replacement, Friendlies has taken over. Which one pasy more....I have no idea. When I job hunt, I never ask that question. Eventhough, I know I should.
So today is Valentine's Day. Dean said it too me like a few minutes ago, but thinking about it now, its true. I need some fucking dick. I think the 30 something gayporn DVDs and me ragging hormones would agree that I'm a sex fiend.
Tomorrow after work I've dedicated my time to getting my hair died back to black and selling my Yugi-Oh cards. I'm not into the game anymore and the extra money will certainly come in handy. Knew they'd be good for something.
Nothing else to report.
|
|
| The Creative Juices Flow Out When I Alcohol Flows In |
[09 Jan 2006|08:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Christian Death- Raw War |
] |
This isn't my work. This belongs to Dennis. He came into work today and told me to post this one. Just so you guys can see if poetry runs in the family. Dork. Anyway, yeah. He told me that he calls this one:
Thoughts
I feel like there is no need for conversation
Some questions are better left without a reason
And I would rather reveal myself than my situation
Now and then I consider, my hesitation
I wonder if the things I did were just to be different
To spare myself of the constant shame of my existence
And I would surely redeem myself in my desperation
Here and now I'll express, my situation
There's nothing ever wrong but nothing's ever right
Such a cruel contradiction
I know I cross the lines its not easy to define
I'm born to indecision
There's always something new some path I'm supposed to choose
With no particular rhyme or reason
|
|
| I Found This One Last Night At My Mother's House |
[08 Jan 2006|08:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nostalgic |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
IconCrash- Happy? |
] |
This one I wrote when I was about 13 or 14. It was after my first night watching a mixture of Friday The 13th, Nightmare On Elmstreet, and I think either Alien or Predetor not sure which one but also Predetor 2. Its about this kid who before he goes to bed he hears The Grim Reaper telling him that he'll be dead by dawn and every other thing that goes bump in the night. Enjoy.
Death By Sunrise
There's a zombie down in the hall
There's a ghoul upon the bed
There's something in the walls
There's blood up on the stairs
And it's flowing into the room
And I know that that's the truth
Because now it's onto me
I know hes after me
I don't understand it!
(Dead By Dawn)
(Dead By Dawn)
There's something creeking in the floor
There's something tapping on the door
There's a rocking in the chair
But there's no one sitting there
There's a ghostly smell around
But nobody to be found
And theres a black cape flying around
Where a restless soul is going
Don't understand you!
(Dead By Dawn)
Somebody help me!
(Dead By Dawn)
Hes coming for me!
He came for the life of me
He said this will end my family tree
He said that I'll see my family, from above
You put a knife in my back
Stuck a your sythe in me
Tell me are you the ghost of murder
The ghost of death
There's something creeking in the floor
There's something tapping on the door
There's a rocking in the chair
But nobody's sitting there
There's a ghastly smell around
But no corpses to be found
Theres a black cape flying around
While I'm laying here on the ground
Don't understand you!
(Dead By Dawn)
Somebody help me!
(Dead By Dawn)
Hes coming for me!
There's a zombie down in the hall
There's a ghoul upon the bed
There's something in the walls
There's blood up on the stairs
And it's flowing into the room
And I know that that's the truth
Because now it's onto me
He came for the life of me
He said this will end my family tree
He said that I'll see my family, from above
You put a knife in my back
Stuck a your sythe in me
Tell me are you the ghost of murder
The ghost of death?
But there's no doubt about it, piece of mind
Take me home
|
|
| This is for Jenn and Dean both of you please read this |
[14 Jul 2005|11:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
drained |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Clocks-Cold Play |
] |
Jenn
This is Adam, I'm terribly sorry that I didn't get to meet you as planned today. But something really bad happened. The thing that happened today was, after Brian cleaned the house I took him with me to my shootings. After they were done I took Brian to see his mother. To his surprise his father was there. He ended up arguing with his mother and father about what happened between them and the fact that he was dating another man. I didn't know that Brian's mother didn't like Dean and his father didn't like gay people. I went back to the car and I tried to get Brian to come with me but they all just kept yelling. Finally, Brian came in the car with his mother crying and his father screaming "Burn in hell sodimite!" Brian was holding his chest and he told me about what happened to him a while ago. I immediatly took him home I decided to sit with him until Mother Nature's light show stopped and until Aaron or Amanda came home to be with him. I have to go to Georgia tonight and make more films Jenn. I wish that we could've met. You're a beautiful and sweet girl who is very real and speaks her mind. I like that. Next time I'm doing films here I WILL SEE YOU FIRST!!!! Anyway, thats what happened today. Til next time Jenn. And be the same person that I met last night.
Dean
If you're reading this then you know what happened to Brian today. If and when you talk to him, try not to upset him. Hes calmed down now and he just woke up. I've gotta leave to go to Georgia tomorrow. I've given him $20 so you guys can meet on Saturday. $10 to get you here, $10 to get you back. He loves you and he would do anything for you. I saw that today when his father called him and you "sodomite faggots." I saw him grab his chest and yell at him "I'm gay and I get fucked by my boyfriend Dean!" I know its too good to be true but it is. Thats what made his mother cry and me just leave. Take good care of him Dean. The both of you are lucky to have eachother. I gotta go now. See you next time I'm in Florida.
Adam.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
black_godzilla's journal