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Black Godzilla

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The Return From The Wicked Garden [02 Jul 2012|02:28am]
[ mood | geeky ]

Because of my lack of internet, I've decided to post a entry after finally getting the chance. I'm still at Wendy's sadly. Other than that nothings changed except me now having a fuck buddy. ha I call'em Venom but, his name's Brock, Brock Wilson.

Another tidbit might be, slowly but surely I find myself with a slow growing desire to draw again. I have a idea how I wanna get back into it. Its just I'm still depressed about Dean. Almost 4 years after his death, I'm still mourning.

I really didn't think that losing the man I love would ever effect me this bad.

Not proud of it but, my drug usage has expanded to meth. It seems to take the edge of of thinking about Dean and causes me to either geek out on a video game or mentally push me to draw. Its a awful habit but, right now it helps.

And Matt and I geeked out one night and turned into me sucking his dick for like two seconds and him jacking off in front of me. Matt, my spazick, vagina smashing, homophobic friend who I befriend as the little brother I never had. The other night....make that a week ago tonight, Greg, Matt and myself went out drinking with the night ending with Greg wanting to sexually experiment with sucking my dick. He did alright for his first time sure, its just he uses too much teeth. Ha

Currently I'm geeking out typing this. Ha but, the weed helps out too.

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Time Is Motion, And Motion And Thought Are A Unity [05 May 2011|10:39pm]
[ mood | high ]

So, its been awhile since my last post here. hope everyone is doing great and all.

My life sucks but, somehow still hanging in there. things have gotten somewhat better. Just feeling the whoas of working at a job I really hate is all the matter at this point.

Moving time is coming soon again so, I hope I find a place thats suitable to my liking. And hopefully Jessie and David would;ve learned to decided what they want, a house or apartment.

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The Unwanted Emotion, Confusion [12 Aug 2010|04:39am]
[ mood | HIGH ]

Since the last time I updated, the girls recently found out that the house is under forclosure.

Duh, I was under the impression that we knew that though. Anyway, I guess that I have to eventually tell the girls that David, Jessie, Matt and I were going to move in with eachother but, I wanna talk to Matt first.

That and tonight Matt says that Steveo and Billy are apparently seeing eachother. To be honest, I am alittle jealous and hurt that I've been lied to by both of them but, weather something happens between Inuyasha and I....I guess I'll be fine.

Hopefully Billy won't hurt him again. But, anyway I must go so David can finish his game and I can finish mine on the PS2.

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As Soon As The Star Shines, Its Precious Shine Has Faded [21 Jun 2010|03:40am]
[ mood | high ]

So today is Sunday. Last week was Inuyasha's last week here in Florida. I have his number but, at the risk of being desprite I haven't called it.

As for him asking me to move with him, I'm still hesitant. I'm thinking I can do it. I'm thinking that I will do it.

The things I do for the pursuit of happiness. I jerked off with this massage oil that he gave me. My god did it feel good in the begining. But then it got really really hot.

Inuyasha, please don't let me down. I miss you and I wanna live with you up there. Just wait for me, as I'm waiting for you.

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One Bandade of Joy, For The Broken Heart Damaged By Despair [02 Jun 2010|12:19pm]
[ mood | fucking great ]

So, 3 weeks after his accident, Inuyasha was released from the hospital. As I figured, pretty banged up but fine. I just saw him about 45minutes ago. It sucks so bad that all I could do to show that I still care, that I'm still there for him forever and always was, a hug, a handshake and a smile.

Damn the expenses. I'm giving him my box set of Death Note. He never finished it so I figured whats the harm? I can just get the whole thing again next year at the MegaCon.

I go once a year, whats the harm?

I guess hes here for two weeks with his father. I'm going to try and make this the best two weeks ever for him.

Apparently there is still hope of him returning for good. Its a tiny spark of hope but, its better than nothing you know?

Anyway, I'm going to leave now.

This day is starting off great and I'm just waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy tooo excited to spend it sitting on a chair typing about it.

Later me. Balls on your chin.

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What A Horrible Chain Of Events [25 May 2010|12:26am]
[ mood | content ]

As of yesterday, I've had the most horrific two weeks of my lfe so far.

Two weeks ago Sunday, I was at Inuyasha's house staying the night when I had a slight pain in my ass. I didn't know what it was until Monday afternoon. It was a hemroid. To be more technical a internal hemroid.

The day that I quit smoking cigarettes. I have a extrememly painful hemroid thats doing nothing but killing my day. Which ended up being a week.

It left the Sunday after. So Sunday night I stayed with Inuyasha (Daniel) and that night we confided in eachother that as good of friends as we are, we have the same feelings for one another.

Of course we were high off our asses but, what makes that special is. During the talk, we didn't want things moving fast. That and I'm not completely over Dean passing and he wasn't over his wife Chyanne. So we decided to take it slow.

We stayed up most of the night watching anime and movies.

The Tuesday evening, I left him to go home. Hours went by and I eneded up hanging out with Matt and David and a few more of their friends. A hour prier to that I was on the phone talking to Stephanie (Inuyasha's/Daniel's roommate) about how we should approach him and talk to him about his pain killer addiction.

At the party, she calls me back and tells me that Inuyasha has been in a fatal car crash.

Long story short, it wasn't fatal but, it was bad. He fell asleep at the wheel and ran into a wall going 74mph. The truck caught fire but he got out.

He broke his jaw in three places, punctured his lung and it collapsed, and scratched his liver. Hes gonna be pretty banged up but, hes gonna live. Afterward, hes going into rehab and going to be either with his mother in Nebraska, or his father in Ohio.

Eitherway, on the assumption that hes going to be with either one of them, I may never see him again. And I just told this guy how I felt about him. What the fuck?!

That Wednesday I found out that a friend of mine from High School died over $20. Sure I found out the news the next day but, he died the same day Inuyasha had his accident.

Brian Underwood. Died over $20 fucking bucks.

That night I stayed with Stephanie cause since Inuyasha's accident shes in a finacial pickle. So I stayed for moral support.

Friday afternoon, I eneded up taking Stephanie to the hospital. She ended up having a panic attack and had trouble breathing. She came home that night and I stayed with her that night just to make sure she was fine.

Although I was expecting something to happen at this point, Saturday was nothing but stress from work.

Sunday.....yesterday, I found out that Inuyasha woke up Saturday night and he remembers nothing of the accident.

I eneded up taking about three of his bongs. I feel like shit smoking out of them but, he can't open his mouth for awhile and hes going to be working with one lung for a bit. I don't think he'll be using them anytime soon.

Its Monday now, and I finally got a chance to relax. As bummed out about this past week as I am, today was relaxing.

The girls went out to Disney all day and left me and David to fend for ourselves. We didn't care though. We had the day off and piece and quiet.

Well, I'm going with Stephanie to see him whenever we do. She said shes waiting for him to get his own room before she does.
Since he never got to finish it, I'm thinking about giving him my complete series of Death Note.

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The Week That Never Stops [23 May 2010|03:58am]
[ mood | stressed ]

One week ago Sunday, I had a small internal hemroid the day before I quit smoking for one week. The day after (this past sunday), I stayed the night at a friend's house whom I've had a crush on for months now.

That Monday night, I got high off pain killers with him and I let it slip that "I had a thing for him." He told me that night that he has the same feelings for me. After that ackward moment, we sat on his couch and watched Death Note.

We agreed that we should take things slow. I'm still not over Dean and hes not over his wife (separated but not divorced). We've been talking about having sex but, never happened.

Tuesady afternoon, I left his house and we started texting eachother. Hours went by and I'm out smoking bud with friends and I get a phone call from his roommate: Dans been in a car accident and has been air lifted to Orlando Medical.

He fell asleep at the wheel and hit a wall going 74mph.

Found out he broke his jaw, punctured his lung, and scratched his liver. Hes gonna be banged up but, hes gonna live. Through all this we all now know he had a pain killer problem.

After hes out of the hospital, hes going to rehab and then to live with his mother or father because he needs 24/7 supervision. So almost two years after Dean dies, I find someone else to fill that hole and this happenes to him.

Then after we find he'll be ok. Someone I used to go to school with died over $20. Brian Underwood. Brian died hours before but the same day Dan had his accident. I didn't know anything about Brian until Wednesday afternoon.

Then on Thursday, I had to take Dan's roommate Stephanie to the hospital because she was having trouble breathing. Turns out she had a panic attack on top of smoking alot.

So now that Dan won't be able to smoke anything working with one lung and all for awhile, Stephanie is giving away and selling his pipes and bongs.

My CDs were in his truck and his truck caught fire so they're gone. So now we're waiting on Dan to wake from his drug indused coma. What a mother fucking week from fucking hell.

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The Pathway To Heaven Is Acheived Only By Flight, Happy 4/20 [20 Apr 2010|11:13pm]
[ mood | fucking high ]

This is the best 4/20 ever. I'm too high to write more. stoned as fuck!!!!!

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The Price Of Flying Free [20 Mar 2010|06:52am]
[ mood | high ]

Nothing all that spectacular happened today. The past few days have been nothing but annoying for me. The roomies are all for moving out to Groveland Tuesday but I'm not.

I'm so tired of moving. For once I'd love to stay in one place with roomies I like in a area I like. What the fuck is wrong with people today?

What is wrong with just being happy with what you've got?

On top of that, somewhere between Scott, both Jessie the dog and Jessie my bong got broken and just yesterday, it got broken again.

On top of that, I can't jackoff tonight because Shirley and David wish to stay here in the living room/my room.

I hate this.

Only last week Friday was the only day that I could easily say that I've enjoyed these few days.

That was the day Jared and I went to the Megacon convention in Orlando. The more of these days go by the more I wish I was somewhere else.

Somewhere where I can be me. Somewhere I won't be bitched at just for living. Somewhere where I won't feel uncomfortable becuase of the constant drama that never seems to leave.

Don't get me wrong, I like my roommates. I just don't like their thinking patterns.

Where one is alittle too much like me (which isn't bad), between the other two, causing drama if not having it follow you everywhere and getting upset because your friends don't like the way they handle these things.......nevermind I'm going into a rant.

Their next thing is now trying to get yet another animal in here. Loli is here now. That makes three dogs, one cat and one snake.

They want another dog or skunk. Neither of which we need.

Between the now 5 of us, we are broke! We don't need another animal and we damn sure don't need to be moving anywhere.

Whenever they talk about moving, I get upset and unenthusiastic and they wonder why. I don't understand why they do though. Ever since this was brought up, I never liked the idea of moving.

Since I have no say so in the matter, I've got no choice but to go along for the ride. Now all of a sudden, apon moving they might need my help with my incomtax check (that hasn't even come in yet) for moving and helping them out with bills.

This is the kind of crap that I was talking about. Why are we moving out when we obviously aren't finacially stable to move.

Even with David here. I'm not seeing how this'll turn out good. Guess we'll be moving yet again sooner than later.

Maybe I'm complaining too much but, all I have to say is: Kill Me Now!!!!!

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The Night I Loved To Close After Seeing The Rap Show With Freaknik [08 Mar 2010|04:38am]
[ mood | drunk ]

So last night, after I got home, I watched the musical Freaknik. A cartoon musical about a ghost making rap fun.

Alot of rappers that I don't like or listen to were in it while the other rappers are ones I haven't heard in awhile.

I rather enjoyed it. I showed it to Ironman today and he loved it as well. He sold me some great green. We smoked it and I kept passing out.

I went to work to close. I hate closing. But tonight it wasn't that bad. A blonde girl came through and took 8minutes to order three things.

Her fries weren't done yet so I asked her to wait for them under a tree in the parking lot. She asked me "I don't see a tree."

I pointed to the tree and she says, "That tree isn't growing from the parking lot." After that she finally got the hint and moved to the under tree.

We had a truck tonight so as shes parking, the truck is moving out. She parks right in front of the truck. The truck guy gets out to ask her to move.

She then, she almost hits me while I'm walking out her food. Parks next to me with the passenger door is in front of me.

She waits for me to walk around the car just to unlock that door. I walk to the driver's window, hand her her food, and she says "Why didn't you open the door? It was a waste of energy walking around."

I laughed and went back to work.

I later ran into some people that I haven't seen since high school. They gave me a beer and I got drunk on the job.

Home now, kinda drunk but mostly taking a shit.

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Hypnotic At Its Finest [18 Feb 2010|08:28pm]
[ mood | high ]

So last night I had to close for Shirley. Number one....I hate closing that store. One I suck at it and things have changed for closing in the past 8 years. It wasn't that bad customer-wise anyway.

The drains all clogged up and overflowed. So Melvin, Diana and I all had to place the water vac into the sink and suckout all the water which filled the vac every 20 seconds and when that happened, I had to empty it out by turning it off, unlock all 3 of the buckles, unplug the hose, carry the vac to the drive thru window and empty the contents out the window, go back to the kitchen, place the lid back on the vac, buckle the buckles back on, plug the hose back in and turn it on only to repeat the process again.

The whole thing took us one hour and some odd minutes. God I hate my job. Life sucks sometime.

First of all yesterday was my day off. Shirley wanted me to close for her so that she could rest. She deserves it though. Outta the four of us, she works the hardest. My thing is, for the past two weeks I've done alot for that place only to get screwed over plenty of times.

Daniel woun't even talk to me anymore because he thinks I was playing with him the whole time we were talking and planning to spend some time together to catch up and see if we'd end up boyfriends somewhere down the line.

That and alot of sleep. But I caught up on all that. Ha sleep........

After I came home though, I ended up smoking the finest weed drinking my favorite alcoholic beverage ever so far in 26 years of living. Hypnotic.

After asurring to Shirley that we were cool and I was never angry with her, David, Allan and I watched the Boondocks with her and just enjoyed the night.

Woke up and went to work this morning. Diane comes to me and tells me that all we had to do was take the plunger and use it on the drains. Drunk, high and confused all I could think about was Johnny saying "Its been like that for two weeks."

If it has, you mean to tell me that no one thought about using the plunger?!

That was my first thought but he told me that it wouldn't work. What was I thinking listening to him?

Home now. Going to check my myspace page. Balls on your Chin.

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The Uncomfortable Day's New Night At Its Begining, Long Since Wished To Be Forgotten [10 Feb 2010|09:16pm]
[ mood | uncomfortable ]

So as of a few months ago, I've been thinking about doing some nose candy (cocaine) again. I've been fighting it but, last night I went looking for it.

Came across this legal substitute. Its called Ivory. Its a good substitute but, I don't like it. Unlike nose sugar, it makes me uneasy and uncomfortable. Not even smoking cigarettes helps even things out like they usually do.

So I sat down on Inuyasha's couch and just cleared my mind and focused on the first and only thing that appeared and wouldn't go away.

Almost everytime I had sex with Dean came up. I didn't want to think of them but, they evened me out the way I needed to be.

When the last memory of those precious moments came, the last night we spent together before he died, I awoke and left for home to take a much needed shower.

I smoked a bowl of some kick-ass krip and it seems to be helping.

Then I got this idea to go to Fairevilla (one of the Central Florida Sex Shops, the most popular one out of the two) to start drawing men having sex again to place a artistic erotic spin on my sexuality when I need a sex fix.

I hate the way my drawings have degressed since I stopped. But the only way that I create my erotic art is free handed. I buy gay porn, watch it, and if there is a scene that turns me on, I pause it and start drawing.

Way back when I used to do nose candy alot, drawing those pictures is what I'd do while I was skeeted up. Life was grand then. Yeah I did it, but I did it responsiblly....in the way that I'm not out doing crazy shit.

That or, when he was alive, I'd watch a movie with Dean holding me tight and either during the movie or after it, making sweet gay love.....nevermind, I lost my train of thought.

The point I'm trying to make is, I hate this ivory shit! This is what I get for relappsing about nose candy. I've learned my lesson.

I believe that if I smoke enough krip, I won't be wired on this shit anymore and I can relax and start thinking with a clear head again.

Can't wait.....Balls On Your Chin peeps.

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The Highest Day Ever [05 Feb 2010|07:43pm]
[ mood | Fucked Ass Up ]

So yesterday, I worked from alittle before noon all the way to 10:30 at night straight. I was promised a hour break but, didn't get it (big suprise). I had planned on starting doing yoga as of like 3 or 4 days ago.

Needless to say, I haven't done it yet. I may start tonight. Which means that I'll have to stop smoking both weed and ciggarettes if and when I do.

I'm sure it'll happen though. Just later than what I both want and need to start.

My plan last night was to come home, take a shit, then a shower, lay down to watch some TV then go to sleep. But that didn't happen. Jessie came over and we played video games until about 6 in the morning. I then decided to start drawing alittle.

Trying to draw my naked men drawings, in my opinion I suck at it. Meaning that I feel that if I start to make another comic book......its gonna look shitty. But, I know I have to start somewhere.

I hate the idea of starting over in terms of drawing. I taught myself how to. I guess this means that I'll have to do it again.

Today at this moment in time, I'm both stoned and just fucked up. Snorted some oxyies and smoked some krip and some reggies and about three ciggarettes, needless to say, I'm feeling good.

The girls stopped me from playing a video games so they can watch a movie called The House Wife. I'm not upset, they watch odd movies. Movies I wouldn't think of watching. That end up sucking me in or knocking me out.

Either way, as long as their happy its cool. I can't have the TV all the time. Its kinda cool to even things out. Thats what roomies do anyway.

Anyway.........lost my train of thought. I'm so high and fucked up right now. I'm gonna leave and enjoy my high.....which was initially the thought I was going for just now....anywho, balls on your chin.

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Don't Love The Cunt [01 Feb 2010|04:59pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Nothing going on right now. Off again today, at this point just going online while the roomies watch crazy shit on True TV. Its a Bad Girls night so.....not expecting too much from the world that today has created.

Might go for a walk later though. Need to do my fucking taxes.

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The Odd Night Outting [27 Jan 2010|04:21am]
[ mood | fucked ass up ]

So yesterday afternoon, I awoken to clean the living room, the kitchen and then me and Shirley's room. As soon as I made it to the door to the room, I was greeted by the smell of shit.

Mind you, Laura's dog has been shitting and pissing on the floor and tearing up me and Shirley's things for at least two months. After I walked into the room, I noticed a huge pile of worm infested shit.

I cleaned it up and punished the dog. I walked back into the room and started to clean it. Until I ran into six of my shirts pissed and shit stained. I threw the shirts out and told Scott the second he got outta the shower.

He got the dog and locked him in the cage. Laura and Shirley got home and I walked to Laura and told her that her dog is too undisiplined and needed to be potty trained.

She got mad and she got upset and needless to say we argued. After hours of smoking with the neighbors, hours later I returned home to Laura packing her things.

After she asked me to help her take down the cage, like I told her in the text message, she needs help with the dog and I'll help her with him. She argued that and continued to pack. Shirley came home and we argued some more after she called me a prick.

Unbelievable, her dog shits on my clothes and I'm the prick. We eventually came to a understanding. I'm just not happy about the lies she said both to my face and to Jessie with I was at the neighbors' house.

During the argument, the ones I noticed I attacked and defended myself until I realized that the more I called her out, the more it was never going to end. So I backed down and let her have her way.

I don't understand how her dog can shit and destroy my things and I end up the bad guy. Makes no type of since. Either way, I'm just glad that we're passed it now and working around the dog pissing and shitting everywhere.

As of tonight, after work, I went to Matt's parent's house to try and find Matt to ask him about Jessie's money.I met his mother who told me that hes still having money trouble and that he doesn't live there anymore.

After leaving I got a phone call from Tabbie. Apparently Matt's temporarily staying with Steveo. Knowing the message would get sent, I decided to let Tabbie know what happened the night of Matt's party the other night.

After I got off the phone with her I sat down to enjoy a bowl of weed and right now watching a gay movie called the wedding banquet....smoking away.

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Want To Die [23 Jan 2010|03:03am]
[ mood | PO'ED ]

Why can't the day that starts good, end good? Woke up in a good mood today, went to work and had a good day there even with Diane there. Ricki tells me that in order to get some weed I'd have to go to a weed party.

After going to Matt's birthday.....whatever, I'm in no mood to drink. He told me that we'd go there get some bud and leave. Little did I know that I would have to stay there a hour after I was supposed to leave.

The fucking managers didn't even ask me. I fucking hate it when they do that shit. I may rely on Wendy's paychecks but, my life isn't dictated by the fucking place.

After I got off, one hour and 40something minutes later, I called Ricki to come and pick me up and he says "I'm too drunk to come get you." I just hung up on him and stormed out. My boss Audrey, asked if it was her fault and if I was mad at her.

As for me being mad at her....no she was only doing what she was told. I had no real reason for getting mad at her.

Pissed as I was, I walked home only to once again, be pulled over by a cop. WHAT THE FUCKING MOTHER FUCKING FUCK IS WITH THESE FUCKING COPS?!?!?!?!?!!

All I wanted to do was get home and try to get high. After that, I went on a 2hour search for bud. No luck.

Basically, staying that extra fucking hour at work not only ruined my whole night, but fucked me over by getting pulled over once again. And if she'd have just asked me to stay, none of this shit would've ever happened.

I'd be high right now and satisfied instead of pissed and sober. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE FUCKING POINT OF MY LIFE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

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I can't smile without you [21 Jan 2010|06:35am]
[ mood | PISSED ]

I'm slowly slipping. Or at least it feels that way. I got pulled over by three cops today just for walking home. WALKING HOME FROM WORK!!!!!! FUCK THE MOTHER FUCKING PIGS KNOWN AS THE MOTHER FUCKING POLICE!!!!!!!!!

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Attention All Livejournal Users [18 Jan 2010|07:58pm]
My life sucks and the more I think about it I need more friends. Would anyone please add me as a friend here on LJ? I'd love and need some friends here.
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The Good Nith Gone Bad [18 Jan 2010|07:55pm]
[ mood | calm ]

As Quickly as it snuck up on me, today is Matt's birthday. Because of situations gone bad, he wanted to have his party the night before. I wasn't really down for it at the time but, it was his birthday and I owed it to him for (accidently) celebrating Dean's birthday with me.

So I went ahead and said yes. Long story short, the night went well until I placed two and two together and realized what exactly was going on. I honestly can't believe that it took me smoking about 3 blunts to realize my mistake.

I was never intended to go. They needed a 21 year old to buy the hotel room. I figured that part out first. I just wanted to smoke...the other part of the group was Matt, Steveo, Justin and Christine.

Apparently Matt and Tabbie were fighting with eachother and I knew I had seen Justin once before, I just couldn't put my finger on it.

I left to go get food and ciggarettes and when I come back I find Steveo and Justin outside waiting for me on the other side of the hotel. We went up to the room and Steveo began to open it but he was stopped by something on the other side of the door.

The way it was happening, it seemed fake. When the door was finally opened we were greeted by Matt with no shirt. Christine wrapped up in the bed sheet pretended to sleep.

Matt lays down next to her in the bed......mind you Christine is Matt's ex, I asked Matt: "Are you being a good boy?" He laughs and asks what do I mean?

So I asked him to stand up if he was. He couldn't. He said "No I don't want you looking at me in my boxers." Thats when I knew better.

I then realized where I had seen Justin before. In the appartment around the time Steveo and I went out on our first date. He is Steveo's ex boyfriend!? I didn't notice who he was because he grew facial hair

And then the night added up. For Matt's birthday they wanted to go and fuck with someone in a hotel getting drunk and fucked up. I was never ment to go in the first place. I was only there to get them the place and help them finace the room.

The drunker I got the more......into whats happening I got. The final straw was getting up and seeing Steveo with his arms wrapped around Justin. Obviously I still have feelings for Steveo, the angrier I got, the more the realization was there that I had to leave.

I ended up passing out in front of the room door and getting woken up by one of the clerks. Afterwards, I walked home drunk as all hell. I fell asleep woke up and puked my guts out for hours on end this morning.

I keep asking myself, why did I go? I do and don't regret going. What a fucking mess. On top of that, Jessie and I got pulled over by a fucking cop and we both got tickets for not wearing our seat belts. What a bitch.

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I Know I'm Late But, Ringing In The New Year With The First Jack-Off Session [03 Jan 2010|02:33am]
[ mood | Horny ]

Nothing exciting. Currently watching The Hitch Hiker's Guide To The Universe. Never seen this movie before. So far its kinda funny and has a "what the fuck" factor to it. Kinda like me.

During the movie, I'll be smoking a blunt and during or after that, I'll be watching a porn and jacking off. Good times.

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