Came across this legal substitute. Its called Ivory. Its a good substitute but, I don't like it. Unlike nose sugar, it makes me uneasy and uncomfortable. Not even smoking cigarettes helps even things out like they usually do.
So I sat down on Inuyasha's couch and just cleared my mind and focused on the first and only thing that appeared and wouldn't go away.
Almost everytime I had sex with Dean came up. I didn't want to think of them but, they evened me out the way I needed to be.
When the last memory of those precious moments came, the last night we spent together before he died, I awoke and left for home to take a much needed shower.
I smoked a bowl of some kick-ass krip and it seems to be helping.
Then I got this idea to go to Fairevilla (one of the Central Florida Sex Shops, the most popular one out of the two) to start drawing men having sex again to place a artistic erotic spin on my sexuality when I need a sex fix.
I hate the way my drawings have degressed since I stopped. But the only way that I create my erotic art is free handed. I buy gay porn, watch it, and if there is a scene that turns me on, I pause it and start drawing.
Way back when I used to do nose candy alot, drawing those pictures is what I'd do while I was skeeted up. Life was grand then. Yeah I did it, but I did it responsiblly....in the way that I'm not out doing crazy shit.
That or, when he was alive, I'd watch a movie with Dean holding me tight and either during the movie or after it, making sweet gay love.....nevermind, I lost my train of thought.
The point I'm trying to make is, I hate this ivory shit! This is what I get for relappsing about nose candy. I've learned my lesson.
I believe that if I smoke enough krip, I won't be wired on this shit anymore and I can relax and start thinking with a clear head again.
Can't wait.....Balls On Your Chin peeps.